Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Laughing Man Has A Contender

I'm typing this in the car right now while it's fresh in my mind because this is just too good to forget about. (EN: I'm actually publishing this post two days after the concert so no, it's not Sunday night and I just got out of a concert, that would just be silly. This happened Friday night, in case you do not follow me on Twitter and have no idea I even have a social life.)

Jeff and I just got out of an Avenged Sevenfold concert in Connecticut. It was amazing and I had a lot of fun and the band that opened for them was amazing too and it all was just so great.

Actually, I should say MOST of it was great.

Y'all remember my Laughing Man post, right? We found his contender. I will say now that I apologize to The Laughing Man for the mean things I said. I now realize that you laughing loudly and obnoxiously was not your fault. You didn't know you were doing anything wrong.

The man I met tonight knew he was doing a very wrong thing and he continued to do it anyway.

He was sat a seat away from me. Later in the night he ended up next to me, much to my discomfort. Let me tell you why.

This man was drunk as fuck. At Mohegan Sun, a giant awesome casino, this is to be expected. But this man was drunker than he should have been.

He started off the night screaming a very obnoxious WOOOOO! At every opportunity. It was very different from the WOOOs of everyone else. He kept trying to shout at the band to play a specific song and since, dude, they can't fucking hear you, and you are literally hurting me, stop. Just stop.

While the frontman of the band was talking to the audience, basically thanking us for being awesome and coming out and all that stuff, we were all quiet and respectful. All except...

The Screaming Man.

I believe I heard him say "*completely gibberish* plaY GERR FERTM ZYGOTE TOUR". I don't know what language he was trying to communicate with but it was most definitely not spoken by anyone else on this entire planet. He shouted this at the band many times and, shockingly, they did not hear him. He angrily and incorrectly and gibberishly sang along with every song, demanding they play the song he wants.

I feel I should mention that when he finally finished WOOOOO!-ing, he began screaming. Like, screaming. As if someone was stabbing him in the webbings of his toes. A grumpy woman in front of us told him to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" a couple times and he just did not care. At all. He just kept screaming.

The best parts of the night were these gems:
• when he threw a beer cup at my foot
• when he bumped me, in the face a few times but mostly in my arm and shoulder, in his drunken dance routines (which, by the way, made him look like some weird creepy man-baby)
• when he tapped me hard on the arm, then again when I ignored him, and when I looked he made (uncomfortable for me) dance motions, as if to say "you dance too!" I gave him a dirty look because I hate this man a little bit, looked back at the band, and sang louder.

When the band finally played the song he wanted, he sang along like a happy child and was totally fucking silent the entire rest of the set.

I hate The Screaming Man. I felt threatened by him for about a thousand different reasons and my skin crawled when he touched me. I don't like that.

So, Screaming Man, my message to you is this:

I hope a child on a tricycle runs over your toes. And I hope it bruises the bone.

Man. Fuck that guy.

1 comment:

  1. Ahahahah Awesome. I'm sorry the asshole ruined your totally great band experience. I hope something worse happens to him. Like flesh eating disease of the voice box. Seems appropriate, no?