Dear Craig Ferguson:
I love you.
It is 7:40 in the morning and I just finished watching your Does This Need To Be Said? special and I have decided that you are my favorite person on the entire planet and I also decided that my brain wants me to have sex with your hot Scottish body. I may be barely 19 and a half years old but it's totally cool. And not weird. And no, I'm not drug. I mean drunk. But I'm not drug either. I have been awake for a very long time and this post seems like a really good idea because you know what Craig? I know you Google yourself. You just said it in the special I just watched. You said it a few times. I know you do. Don't even lie, Craig. You could find this post one day. And that would be cool.
So I've decided that my people will call your people.
First I need to find some people. But when I do they will call your people. Or maybe you should just have your people find me first. I will probably be napping.
PEACE OUT, CRAIG.