As I mentioned previously, my phone is literally falling apart at the seams (it's almost comical) so I ordered a new one (thank you Verizon website for having free phones!) and it should be here hopefully tomorrow.
This is good for me, and bad for all of the things I wanted to save forever. Like all of my awesomely hilarious texts from Odessa. So now y'all get to read the ones I have selected that are appropriate for everyone. Enjoy.
Odessa: up in the AIR
is all of my HAIR
it dances so FINE
in the summer TIME
I like to eat fruit LOOPS
I ran out of RHYMES
my nose itches
...that song is called ARIBAAAA
Odessa (on me telling her about a supermoth in my room that kept attacking my lamp, as moths do): hello I am a vampire moth my name is Flitty Motherton what a lovely home you haACK SPPBBTH THE LIGHT IT BURNS HAVE YOU NO SYMPATHY FOR MY KIND
Odessa: I do believe this penis is a penis
Odessa: please marry me. I'm not even Klingon. WHAT. THE. FUCK. *joking
Odessa: for your birthday I should get you the "lots and lots of jets and planes" DVD. how much more useless of a gift could there even be
Odessa: DON'T LAUGH AT MY CHOCOLATE CENTER
Odessa: "The Malay-speaking Muslims of the Malaysian part of the Malay peninsula have a much wider Malay cultural pattern" OK I GET IT, THEY ARE MALAYS
Odessa: THIS ANT. he's carrying a big chunk of cat kibble and I was going to take it from him and flick him off the steps like I always do. but I noticed he was following a straight path so I licked my finger and made like a C around him. more like a U. a half circle to cut off his chemical scent path. and he got to the wet spot and stopped like it was a brick wall and was like ????!?!!??! and could not understand why his path was gone. so he finally was like UGH and set the food down and ran around to the outside of the U and looked around and looked at the U and then was like !!!! and ran back and grabbed the food and took it around the U and back onto his path. I was like SMART ANT? he actually like, used his tiny ant brain. it's amazing they don't even have brains like us but he literally figured it out. I could see little question marks above his head. so I let him keep the food. but it's so big he's like wobbling and having to take breaks 'cause he has to take it all the way to the lawn. sucker.
Odessa: it told me I need a microphone so the other person can hear me. and I was like really? I thought a microphone would wax my car
Odessa: if you were the most beautiful lady on the planet it would...be...you. oops I messed that one up. you smell nice
Odessa (on her dog being afraid of lamp posts): I felt bad because he was like shaking and did not want to go near them. like they would stomp on him. I went up and kissed them and rubbed them which must have looked weird for someone to be rubbing a light pole at 7AM with a dog that looks terrified
Odessa: dude anteaters are so weird
Odessa: friends help you move, real friends help you pluck your ingrown butt hairs