Friday, April 1, 2011

April Fool's Day Is My Least Favorite Day Of The Entire Year

Everyone around me feels the need to be a huge asshole on this day, every single year. Whether it's pranks or telling me horrible news, and then immediately..."APRIL FOOOOOOOLS!"

Really? You tell me this horrible news of someone in your family having cancer and then you April Fools me? I hope you are murdered in your sleep by a psychotic, angry, horny clown. I hope he pees on your corpse. You are a terrible person.

Also? Since apparently 90% of America got snow last night, my Facebook newsfeed has blown up with "haha! Mother Nature is pranking us with this snow, right? RIGHT? EH? AM I RIGHT?"

No, you are actually not right at all. You are not funny. That joke got old before it was even told the first time. This snow is no prank. It is real, and I have to shovel it. Shut the hell up, all 13,340,918 of you who are making this terrible joke. I am tired of it already.

And yes, I do know how to take a joke. "I have diarrhea. April Fools!" That's a funny joke. "My aunt has cancer" is not a funny joke, and will never be a funny joke. It is terrible, and when your aunt actually does get cancer you are going to feel like the shittiest person on the face of the Earth.

Good.

1 comment:

  1. I made myself out to be a huge asshole yesterday because my best friend was just like 'I have AIDS' and I only replied 'I believe it'. And she hit me.

    You make me laugh. I just thought I'd tell you. Maybe that's ridiculous or creepy but it's true, and I also think you're awesome; and you told me to tell you that if I think it's true and I just woke up so this probably makes no sense I apologize

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