Wednesday, March 23, 2011

And Then Sometimes I Feel Like A Huge Asshole

I have this really bad habit of saying things that make me want to punch myself in the face. You see, my brain and my mouth like to work together to try to ruin my life. So my brain says "say this!" and I go "umm, no?" and my mouth goes "fuck you, I'm saying it!" and then I look like a huge asshole.

On my birthday my mother and I went to a grocery store (that we thankfully never go into ever) to buy some snackfoods for the next few days (because the only time I ever eat unhealthy is when it's someone's birthday. That's my new rule) and while we were being rung through, the cashier and bagger were talking about baseball and how the weird hand symbols they use to communicate between pitcher and catcher make no fucking sense to normal people. My mother being my mother, of course, had to join in. Me being me and my brain being a huge asshole says "SAY SOMETHING ABOUT SIGN LANGUAGE! YOU ARE SO FUNNY!" and my mouth says "those hand signals are about as hard to figure out as sign language, haha" and Me is all "I SHOULD NOT HAVE FUCKING SAID THAT". Sure enough the cashier in sign language as well as saying it out loud says (and signs) "Actually sign language is easy, I've known sign language all my life". And she looked like I had just kicked her puppy in the face.

I should never be allowed to go anywhere. Ever, ever again.

How the hell has "I am an asshole" not been a tag for months? That's...odd.

Anyway, Stephanie C has requested I post pictures of my tattoo, which I guess I will get to eventually. It's been just over a month since I've had it so now it's all healed and just a normal part of my body. So normal that I often forget it's some apparently "taboo" thing and when people go "Oh my God! What does it meeeeeeeeeean?" I'm like "...the fuck are you talking about? OH, my tattoo...oops."

I like when people tell me I made a mistake because Cori and I got matching tattoos. "What if one day he's not your friend anymore? What if you hate each other ten years from now?" well, then, aren't I fucked? There's nothing I can do about it now. I'll never regret any tattoo I get because, contrary to popular belief, I am actually not an idiot. Even if, God forbid, one day Cori wasn't my friend anymore, it's not like I can erase him from my memory. I can't erase someone from my past. So what if a little symbol reminding me of them is on my body where I can plainly see it every day? Chances are I'd think about him every day anyway. Because I'm like that. I'm creepy. Never leave me. Anybody.

I would still never get someones name tattooed on me. That's just silly. And if I were to get a tattoo of a symbol of my undying and burning love for Boyfriend, I'd wait until after we were married for a long time. Not that I ever plan on being without him, because that won't happen, but I'd rather not deal with the hordes of "how can you do this to your booodyyyyyy, how can you ruin your entire life over a booyyyyyyyyy". Refer to my previous paragraph on that.

I'm sorry, I got really ranty. I forgot how nice blogging is. Even though this is supposed to be a funny blog and I'm not very funny.

1 comment:

  1. PPSHHHH people can suck my dick. I'm sticking by your side till one of us dies. ]<
    Innnnnnnnn all seriousness though, I think that even if some crazy universe altering event did happen to cause us to no longer be friends, I still wouldn't regret getting the tattoo. It's a story. Am important part of my life that I don't want to forget. *nodnod*
    Also, HOPEFULLY we can get tattooed again soon. I have to draw up..or get someone to draw up my design. And then make sure I'll have the moneys for it. Cuz I'm a derp like that.