Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Holy Shit, Y'all

It appears I've been tagged by my lovely friend Jess to write fifteen things about myself and tag five people and then y'all have to do it too, and it's a never ending circle and eventually the entire world will be in on it and we'll all explode.

Or something.

So, here goes, I suppose.

1) I spend too much time on the internet. I wake up, and I come online. I'm online all day, and then I go to bed. Of course, this is because I haven't found a job yet, but even when I do have things to do, the internet is what I do with my spare time. I play dumb games, I visit dumb websites, I refresh Facebook and Twitter nine million times a day. But I also socialize with my friends, make new friends, and apply for jobs, so really, I'm not really that bad.

2) I was raised by racist grandparents. When I was young, thankfully too young to be able to form memories, my grandfather tried to teach me the word "porchmonkey". Yeah.

3) Touching on that last one, I've never and will never see people for their race or gender or sex or beliefs or anything. I just see people. That sounds so corny but it's true. If I hate you, it's because you're a shitty human being, or you're annoying, or something. Not because you're "not white like me". And yes, I have actually heard that before. I was like, really?

4) In almost a month I will be nineteen, and I'm still terrified of the dark. I sleep with the stuffed moose Odessa got me for Christmas because I believe he keeps me safe at night and when I'm sad I hug him tight and he makes me feel better. Secretly I guess I never grew up.

5) I cry. A lot. Like, I have panic attacks and mental breakdowns at least four times a week. And I don't know why. They just happen. Probably because I'm stuck in the "in-between" of life (no job, no school, etc.) and it's kinda stressful but really? I'm totally a huge wuss.

6) I'm hopelessly addicted to old lady shows like Golden Girls and The Nanny and Roseanne and Three's Company. Oh my God am I addicted to The Nanny. I look forward to that show every night. I don't even know why. I've seen the entire series, every single episode, at least four times over. Maybe even at least six times over. So, dude. Why do I still love watching it? Christ. Some episodes I can recite by heart.

7) I have this really dumb "give up" mentality. I try something for a while and then I think, what's the point? So I give up. And that's a really, really bad thing and it's dumb and I'm trying to stop.

8) I really want to one day become internet famous. In the good way. Not in the bad way. I want to be like The Bloggess and have a huge following of amazing and fantastic people who love me in creepy and inappropriate ways.

9) I'm a terrible visual artist but there are a few things I've drawn/sculpted/painted/other stuff that I've liked and unfortunately, the sculptures I loved that I've made I gave to my ex (well, I was with him at the time) and now they're gone forever because his mother broke them. Yeah. Also, I love to write, but I'm terrible at that, and I can only write a good poem once every six months. I've been writing this dumb story for like a year and a half now and I'm starting to give up on it. I'm dumb. And bad. Please fix me.

10) I'm almost nineteen years old and I still love Pokemon. Like, almost obsessively. When a new game comes out I don't put it down until I beat it and get tired of it which could take a month or so. I just fucking love Pokemon.

11) I don't really have "medical" problems. Most of my "problems" are in my head and I'm fairly certain I make most of them up because that's just how fucking crazy I am. I'm also the most paranoid person I've ever met and I'm pretty sure I need serious therapy but I don't have money and I'm pretty sure I don't have the right insurance for that considering they just barely cover my ER visits. Help.

12) I washed my hands with snow and soap this morning because my parents turned off our water to fix the plumbing and it's taking forever and y'all, I cannot go more than two hours at a time without washing my hands obsessively. That just is not okay with me. At all.

13) I get far too attached to people and then when they leave my world is destroyed. I have emotions. It kinda sucks balls.

14) I kind of secretly hope there is one day a zombie invasion because I am totally die in that shit. I'd try to live for as long as possible, I know a few secrets (thank you, Zombie Survival Guide), but since I've never held nor shot a gun, I wouldn't live very long. And I know that. But I'd go down in flames, motherfuckers.

15) I'm going to marry Boyfriend one day, whether he likes it or not. Even though he insists he wants to, I still don't believe him sometimes. It must be the paranoia talking.

I have no one to tag because I probably would've tagged Jess but I can't do that since she tagged me so, dammit. So, anyone reading this, feel free to do it and blame me for making you do it.

And now for a new thing I want to call, AWESOME SHIT I READ/SAW LATELY THAT Y'ALL NEED TO NOTICE TOO. I need to find a new name for this segment, I think.

Wolves. Allie Brosh. Enough said.
Questionable Content. All done by the fantastic Jeph Jacques, who is an awesome dood.
"PS. Behind the still is a giant pack of goats. I asked my mom when they got goats and she said they didn’t have goats. When I gestured to the dozens of goats roaming around she said “Oh, your father is just borrowing them”. Because OF COURSE HE IS." The Bloggess. Again, enough said.
Midget Man Of Steel. Because he never makes any fucking sense and I laugh at/with him anyway.

Well. That section will grow in time. Hopefully.

Anyway, bye y'all.


  1. YOU SLEEP WITH MY MOOSE :'D that makes me happy in unimaginable and probably inappropriate ways. I also love Threes Company even though I've seen EVERY EPISODE THAT EXISTS because I started watching when I was like 11 and I had such a little girl crush on John Ritter and I cried my eyes out when he died 4[ also it is 3am and I can't sleep which is why I am here because I keep your blog bookmarked <3 also remember I am like almost a legit psychologist so I can try to help you if you ever want me to, but I know it's uncomfortable so there's no pressure, I just want you to know it's an open offer. KBYE ILU.

  2. Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for youuuu... that Larry Dallas guy? Awesome...

  3. @Meatbag, I loved Larry. I'd have gone out with him just because his horrible pickup lines were hilarious and that's what gets me.