Friday, December 17, 2010

Oy, My Family

I was just gone with my parents for a couple hours.

We come home, I grab food and come upstairs to my room so I can enjoy some NCIS before Elf is on in an hour. Yay, Elf!

Wait. My computer is on hibernate. I told you to turn off. Um. ...okay. Maybe I shut it too soon? ...that shouldn't happen, but maybe. No...I open it and my alternate account is open and someone has attempted to log into it, as they've even clicked on the "password hint" thing, which I cleverly made to say "[trollface.jpg]".

The only person that could've come on my computer is my brother.

The only thing he does when he uses the internet is watch video game clips on youtube, and porn.

Neither of these are okay to do on my computer if you're my brother. Only because he doesn't wash his hands and he's full of grease and germs and assgerms and he sneezes on things and he's a gross 14-year-old-boy and I'm waiting for him to hit the "I need to be clean all the time" stage like I hit at 15 because I AM SO TIRED OF YOUR DISGUSTINGNESS EVERYWHERE IN MY LIFE AAAAAA.

Anyway. Point is, he needs to stay the fuck off my computer. Everyone who could use this computer knows both my accounts are password protected and only one other person on this planet knows the passwords, and he constantly forgets. So it's really like I'm the only one who knows. So stop trying.

My mom tries to use it sometimes but at least she asks, and I know all she wants to do is check her email and look for printable coupons.

Plus, even if he COULD get in, I'd know if he did, because he's too derp to erase the history. AND, if he did erase the history, I'd come back to wonder
1) why my computer is hibernating (as it does when I shut the lid when it's unplugged, which it was)
2) why porn comes up when I open Firefox (as Firefox opens whatever tabs I had open last)
3) why my history was erased
4) why my keyboard is greasy and disgusting

So, really, he'd never get away with it. Stop trying you little jerkoff. I love my brother but I'm gonna cut a bitch.


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHA... he's too derp. i seriously lol'd. HAHAHAHAHAHA. derp.

  2. also? little brothers are gross. mine is 26 with a baby and i still worry about his oral hygiene.

  3. Hahaha, it was the only word I could find that would fit him. Derp is like, the greatest word ever.

    Ugh, that's scary. I hope he gets out of this phase soon because he won't get a good girlfriend if he's all gross. He'll just get a similarly gross girl and that's just...ew.

  4. no, no, no, it's okay. my brother is still a smelly boy, and his girlfriend is FABULOUS. we L O V E her. she's even managed to whip him into shape (a little)! :D