Thursday, November 11, 2010

Weird Texts I've Received Lately, Part I

Odessa: Dude. The only thing greater than elephant porn videos are the comments. WOAH IS THAT A DICK OR AN ANACONDA. Jesus, it moves like an arm. I am scarred for life.

Odessa: The male elephant courts the female. BRRPHRROOOOO *elephant noises*. The female is not impressed.


Odessa: I've seen girls do things with horses I didn't know were possible. Neigh

Odessa: (telling me what happened when she had to call customer service about her modem not working) It was an automated lady's voice but built to sound like a real person. She asked questions and I could answer and of course some were like "is your modem on?" No lady, I am a gorilla. What does "on" mean.

Odessa: What a load.
Me: Of...monkey porn?
Odessa: Oh, god. No thank you, I've had enough of that.

Odessa: The whole world drowned in fleece. Drowned. In a solid object.

Odessa: Bubba is my daddy AND my brother. We're closer'n two skunks in a paper bag. My aunt Jamie too. She used to be my uncle Jim but we don't talk 'bout that no more.

Odessa: poop log rides

Odessa: Dey terk er binger

Cori: I just found you in dog form. This dog is like poking her dog food in her bowl to get it just right and then she keeps getting the dust on her nose and wipes it off on her bed. And she just eats one piece of food at a time and then pokes it all again to get it right. It reminded me of you for some reason.