Monday, November 22, 2010

Of Tentacle Rape, Nipples, and Hat-Butts

Here's that long post I've been promising for a couple days.

On Friday, my friend Cori and I went and visited our friends Oliver and Amber (hope you guys don't mind me using your names. It's not like I have many non-IRL friends who read this anyway). We walked a mile and a half to Amber's house, which resulted in a few feet-blisters for both of us and lots of sweat and tiredness, but we powered through. We're good people like that.

I, having a terrible hair day, borrowed Cori's really cool hat which can be kind of seen in this picture. I'm the one on the bottom.

When Cori and I hang out, weird things tend to happen. Strange, hilarious things are said, and people always think we're on some kind of drug. We're not. Usually.

Anyway. Here are a few quotes from the day. I can't even explain them. They just have to be said.

In no order, with no rhyme or reason, I bring you:

Amber: (when I had my hat on backwards) It's like a butt on top of your head.

Me: Yes, Mrs. Smith, how do you do this equation? *nipple rub*

Oliver (who happens to be Asian, for all future references): (to Amber, who is his girlfriend) You finally bagged yourself an...Asian. Konnichiwaaaaa.

Oliver: I looked over and thought you had nine arms...like it just kept going and I was like what. I didn't know I was dating an octopus. I really am an Asian.
Me: TENTACLE RAPE. I didn't know you were Japanese.

Oliver: BAM! There's a bunch of onomatopoeia on my ass. I wish there were some soliloquies too.

Oliver: My girlfriend is hot.
Me: Yeah.
Amber: STOP AGREEING WITH HIM.
Me: Fine. You're ugly and disgusting. Go play with traffic.
Cori: With traffic?
Me: YES, WITH TRAFFIC.

Amber: I have an awkward question.
Me: Oh...God.
Amber: ...how big are your nipples?

And then Amber and Oliver gave Cori and I an awkward puppet show between a dog puppet and an Elmo puppet. They made sweet, sweet love in many orifices and it confused, disturbed, and aroused me.

All in all, a very good day.

2 comments:

  1. See, I sort feel an instant affinity to Amber...I'm a straight woman who is all about other women's nipples! Mostly because I have none...TMI?
    Amber and Oliver are entertaining. Must keep them nearby for blog fodder :)

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  2. There's never such a thing as TMI when it comes to me, haha. Those kinds of questions are normal in my life, with my friends.

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