Thursday, November 4, 2010

Now I See Where I Get It From

My mother and I this morning in the car on the way to my eye doctor:

Mom: How many points if I hit that girl on the crutches?

Me: Ordinarily I'd say 50 but since she's moving so fast I'd say 75. You know who I hate? Crippled people who don't act crippled. Like, they're missing a foot and they're all "I'm better than you at life and I'm missing a foot, bitch!" You're not better than me. I have two feet, motherfucker. You only have one. Try to stand up for a minute. No, really. Try it. See? I'm better than you at standing.

Mom: Yeah, but that guy with half an arm that works at Big Lots has a job and a car, and you don't. So that kind of makes him better than you automatically.

Me: Fuck.

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